This night won't let me sleep.
Twisting and turning in bed .
Going a thousand times over the stuff that I call my past now.
Regretting about the things I should and shouldn't have said.
Imagining a thousand more scenarios which my brain knows will never happen but the fellow heart still hopes.
I try to distract myself with some guilty pleasure.
So this cliche` turns out to be true that the more you do NOT wanna think about it , the more you actually THINK about it. And then the worse , you OVERTHINK.
5 in the morning , still dark outside . Quiet and cold. Just as every other night. But this night is different. It won't let me sleep. Maybe it has something to say , only if i'll bother to pay some heed. But here I am sunk in my own thoughts and worries so much so that I turn a deaf ear towards what this quiet starry night has to say.
It's getting colder. I feel the silence. I love this time the most. When the whole world is dreaming like , for once at least , there is some peace. It is just me , alone.
Something distracts me . The silence.Perhaps it has something to say. I literally get out of my bed. Making my way through the dark , the moonlight coming through my window shows the way . I sit on the sill. Take my dairy and write. I don't even think. It's like the words come to me. I don't even know why I am doing this , but it feels right. It's as if there is some energy guiding me. Showing me the path , taking me away from the noise to hear what that little voice has to say. I told you , this night was different. It won't let me sleep.
As I write, I realised I have stopped worrying and obsessing over my own thoughts. Just like it happens when you meditate. There is a sense of calmness and peace . Stability - mental and emotional. The self-doubting noises in my head stopped polluting my mind. I feel more receptive....to the other voices. Cause this is not a physical voice , it's spiritual.And I heard it , I heard it say " What you are doing is right . Be strong."
Or rather this is what I wrote down on paper. The voice came from me , to me.The universe has it's own way of making things happen , you see?
The sun is just about to rise now. I realise I have ended up writing this. I don't even know how much sense this makes. Perhaps I'll think about it tomorrow night. This night just taught me that when we control and stop the noises in our head - only then can you hear that little voice inside you dying to be heard!
Everyone is about to wake up and I am ready to go to bed. This night was different. It didn't let me sleep.